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Pausen

going nuts over male/ik

Male/ik,

do you ever google yourself? Without last name, without knowing how to spell your first name. Probably not.

And I’m pretty sure you’re too reasonable and down-to-earth to google me (without really knowing my name). After all I have said and done (or rather what I haven’t said and done) I hope for your sake that you have forgotten all about me.

I won’t have left as strong an impression as you have on me (and I definitely haven’t left a “good” impression :-().

But I’m still going nuts thinking about you after such a long time, and I regret so much not having tried to explain to you…
I know I’m crazy, if I had another chance I would probably mess it up anyway, I’m so embarrassed for being me. What would I do if had a chance? Maybe I would give you that letter that I wrote a year ago (knowing I would never be able to send it) after all, I can’t get myself to throw it away.
I don’t know how to stop fantasizing about you (but let’s face it: I might not even recognize you anymore if I met you on the street, who knows).
And I don’t know how to stop worrying when there’s bad news about Egypt on the radio.

I have to stop being so pathetic.
Sometimes I wish I had never met you.

(All my own fault. You offered everything you could.)

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