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Pausen

This category contains 35 posts

The IKEA plant

Originally posted on This uneventful life:
The IKEA plant – on a non-IKEA chair (watercolor pencils) Of course I have heard stories of people going to IKEA and returning home having bought loads of unnecessary stuff. But neither my sister nor I am very good at spending money, so I did not think it could…

growing into my age

When people try to guess my age they usually think I am 5-10 years younger than I actually am. And I am always a bit embarrassed when I have to confess that I ought to be much more grown-up than I apparently seem. But in the last months I have been feeling my mouth settling … Continue reading

being somebody

Sometimes i want to be somebody – those are the tough days.   Most days i’m okay with being nobody.

sad year

it’s been a sad year dithering betweeen absurd hope and hopeless desperation in the end yielding to despair that’s what you get from being an atheist when being offered a miracle you decline because you don’t belive in miracles and afterwards there’s regret so then you start waiting for the miracle to come but it’s … Continue reading

desperately lonely

i have been lonely before and i have been desperate before but never this desperately lonely (how to find back to my normal level of loneliness? how to find back to my normal level of desperation?)

slow process

knowing that i am a slow healer i gave myself one year to let my mind wrap around the fact that it is possible to lose without ever having played the game   (and no: winning is not possible without playing)   am i better now, one year gone? better, yes, good, no far from … Continue reading

going nuts over male/ik

Male/ik, do you ever google yourself? Without last name, without knowing how to spell your first name. Probably not. And I’m pretty sure you’re too reasonable and down-to-earth to google me (without really knowing my name). After all I have said and done (or rather what I haven’t said and done) I hope for your … Continue reading

1 and 2

it’s been one year it’s been one year and two weeks since i wrote you a letter knowing i would never be able to send it since id don’t know your name or your address maybe it’s time to destroy the letter but i’m still thinking of you

it’s been one year

und es ist nun wirklich Zeit den Hoffnungsfunken auszutreten wie eine Zigarettenkippe aber ein zwei Wochen glimme ich noch weiter dumm und anmaßend wie ich bin, so dumm und anmaßend (hoffentlich kriege ich die Kippe irgendwann aus)

being nobody

I have to keep reminding myself: You must never defy fate Never forget who you are (nobody). Never forget where you belong (nowhere). You must not dare to hope. Never ever let yourself get carried away. Fate will show you your place. Fate will slap your slaphappy grin out of your face fast enough. You … Continue reading